Tiltlessness

*Also posted in SBC

Been playing a few of the $3+.30 90 deep turbo KO sngs lately. I can't even believe how bad the play is on these things. There is absolutely NO poker going on... everyone is so in love with the KOs that they will shove at the slightest provocation.

Donkey heaven. I'm in my element. I am King Donkey. I'm the donkey the other donkeys look to for advice. Buy high, sell low. That's not herpes, don't bother seeing a doctor. You do look kind of fat in those pants, darling.

I can take these things. Easy strategy. Don't go for the KO just for the sake of the stupid 50¢, play tight, get them to gift you their chips, go for the win.

The problem with bad play is it's infectious. After 2 hours of mouth breathers shoving with the worst possible hands and winning, you start to think that it's a good idea. That's my excuse anyway. Really, I pretty much just suck. Hard. Awful play. What the hell was I thinking play. Who the f hit my all in button, I'm gonna kill him. And I wish I could say it only happened once.

I'm 3rd in chips with 32k (leader has 36k). We're on the bubble. 10 left, 9 pay. I can sit back and wait for the shorties to bust, then take out the rest on the FT. No problem. It folds to me in the SB, I raise to 7500 with Q8o. I would very much like the BB to go away so I can take his 2700. The douche flats. WTF. He has 14k behind. You know where this idiocy is going... I'm out of position with weakass cards against a station that flats 1/3 of his stack in the BB and isn't folding his very obvious Ax.... I flop my 8 on 68Ar.

Luckily my finely honed poker sense allows me to shove all of my chips in virtually assuring I will bubble this thing.

I'm now down to 10k. Shortie is down to 2k, less than 1BB. I can fold to the $$, but that's not how I roll. I'm a steamroller. I can roll over bullets, baby! I roll off the barstool into my own pool of sick. I roll bums for fun and profit.

I have J9o on the button. Pure gold! You suckers are in for it now!

Let me take a moment to talk about tilt. I read the Tommy Angelo book. I don't tilt.

So when I put my fist through the dog, that wasn't tilt. When I pummeled the dog through my wife that wasn't tilt. When I put them both in a blender, that wasn't tilt it was breakfast, shame to waste a good energy drink. When steam came pouring out of my ears making a whistling sound, that wasn't tilt (just good comedy). When I tickled the Guinea pig... ummm... what was I talking about?

Oh yeah. Tilt. I don't do it. Got it?

It took every ounce of will to not throw my laptop across the room. I mean, come on. I cost myself at least $2 in profit in that spot. I can keep these things in perspective. It takes at least a $3 loss to smash a $4000 computer.

I ripped apart my ipod headphones instead.

*Martha Stewart moment:

Ipod headphones make a lovely noose or garrote that will fit over just about any Guinea pig neck. Try it at your child's next birthday party and really surprise her!

I immediately logged into a $5 sng. It's always a good idea to get right back on that horse after learning a valuable lesson.

That's when the internet connection went down.