Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Road rage

I bike to and from work every day. It's only 5 miles (10 a day) but I love doing it. After 23 years, you get a sense of how people react on the road, and what idiotic things drivers, pedestrians and other bikers are capable of. I used to get aggressive, but quickly realized that defense keeps you alive. Taking my daughter to school every day on a trailer bike has made me even more cautious. I (mostly) follow traffic lights/signs (ok, this is NYC - if there is no oncoming traffic, you're gonna run the red on a bike, just as you'll jaywalk etc... I have no problem with that as long as the coast is VERY clear - it's the dumbfucks that don't pay attention that get hit), watch for turning cars, don't squeeze into impossible spots, don't go flying into traffic...

So yesterday I peddle up to a red light behind a minivan. As I was approaching, the first thing I always do is check for a turning signal. Nothing. My choices are 1. go around the left - stupid, since if the light turns when you get there - as it did in this case - the dude will just gun the car and send you into oncoming traffic...they will never let you pull ahead and over to the right - blind aggression takes over and it becomes some sort of stupid game to them.  2. Move to the right and let the car pass you to the left whenever he gets up to speed (never the option when there is a signal), or 3. stop behind him. I chose the right, as I had plenty of room and he was obviously going straight. The fucker decides to gun it and turn right (I'm positive he saw me, as I was in his right window and almost past him when he gunned it - remember the blind aggression I was talking about?), still no signal and now cutting me off and hitting me, and almost hitting 2 pedestrians crossing the street - they jumped back just in time). I put my hand out to push my bike to the right (making a pretty good slap sound on his window - more on this later...). He finally jacks the brakes. I had turned my bike with the car, so I was unharmed, but pretty fucking pissed. I yelled at him to use his blinkers, flipped him the finger (oops, mistake I think...)  and rode off. Shit like this happens all the time, dumb fucks have no idea what a turning signal is, feel like they own the road, will do anything to make sure they "win" like it's some kind of game... I learn to expect it... whatever... end of story right?

About halfway down the block I hear a car speeding up behind me, look around just in time to see this same stupid fuck chasing me down... he side swipes me again, and knocks me into some parked cars.... with a 2 ton minivan.... wtf? People go to jail for this shit, right? Not in fucking New York. The dude is screaming his ass off about how I almost broke his window (ummm, you mean the noise of you HITTING ME fucktard?)  and gets out of the car.... I've had enough of this shit, ride a little bit away and pull out my phone to call the cops... his ugly ass bitch wife opens her door without looking behind her AND DOORS ANOTHER BIKER TRYING TO PASS!!! Fucking classic. Psycho fuck sees me with the phone and runs over to me and stands a couple feet away threatening to kill me.... meanwhile a cop is standing across the street. Just standing there. With his fat fucking donut filled thumb in his fat fucking ass. Ignoring the whole scene. Dude has car parked in the middle of the street, still running, door open, screaming at me. Cop is uninterested. I yell for the cop to come over - psycho dude hurries back to his car. Cop takes his sweet fucking time crossing the street.

I need to mention, that throughout this whole episode, I am the epitome of calm. As of yet I was unharmed (both times I was hit I was able to move out of the way of serious damage) If the fuckhead had started throwing punches, I had a 10 pound bike lock I could brain his sorry ass with. I didn't want it to come to that, as I've seen waaaaay too many movies where someone tries to defend themselves, and they get thrown in the slammer instead. No idea if that shit's real, but no way I want to find out firsthand. I have a wife already, tyvm, don't need a new one named Bubba. Years of dealing with pressure situations teaches you to remain calm and use your head.

I calmly explain to the fucktard cop what was going on and got the expected answer. "Nothing I can do, I didn't see any of it happen." Fucking cops. Fucking lazy ass piece of shit obviously didn't want any paperwork. At that point I knew I was fucked, and if I press, the fucker will throw both of us in jail. It becomes a case of he said, she said.... and in my case, it would be 2 against one with the bitch wife in the car. I have NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER they would lie their way through everything and I'd end up being the one charged with some fucked up crime.

I'm well aware that there are many bicyclists that break every traffic law ever invented, and go out of their way to piss off motorists. Shit, half of them piss me the fuck off. By the same token there are many motorists that just shouldn't be behind the wheel. If a bike runs a red light and hits a pedestrian, ouch, that hurts but most likely everyone walks away. If a car runs a red or a stop sign and hits someone.... well, the driver can walk away.... not so much the pedestrian.

I would love to see this fucker go to jail. There is no room for that kind of behavior behind the wheel of a car. A car is NOT a toy, dear friends - respect everyone on the road - you're not the only ones allowed to use it. I can't make other bicyclists behave so it's up to the motorists to be on the lookout. You're bigger than them. They can't hurt you, but you sure as hell can hurt them.

lol - this rant brought to you by the fine penmanship of William Gibson...

I write like
William Gibson
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Friday, July 16, 2010


... I write like Palahniuk*. While that's very flattering, it's total bs. I assume they're just trying to grease you up to feel good about buying whatever crap they're selling on their website. And here I am posting their damn link. You all know by now what a sucker I am....

Now let me tell you how to make soap bombs from human fat....

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

*gratuitous waffles link, who posted his first....

Monday, July 12, 2010

Super-fun app

Sorry, another post not about poker.... (since I'm still not playing all that much)

I just downloaded Thumb Jam. I haven't had this much fun with a new program in ages. If you have any amount of musical skill at all (and probably even if you don't) this program will keep you entertained for hours. I haven't been able to do anything else all weekend.... If you have an Iphone, I highly recommend it... take a look at their demos on the media page to get an idea of what it does.

Just as a general note, it seems v4 of the iOS broke Thumb Jam a bit. The workaround for right now is OPEN the app with headphones (or if you're playing it through speakers, insert the speaker cable) inserted in the jack. After it's running you can remove the headphones if you want. It sometimes crashes on close as well, but while it's running it's been pretty solid. The developers know these problems and are working on it, but it's still pretty usable and fun.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

More Pimpage...

Just realized I hadn't posted about Yakshi's book. It's being written every night for the next month. It's a blast. Then again, so is his blog.