Tiltlessness

*Also posted in SBC

Been playing a few of the $3+.30 90 deep turbo KO sngs lately. I can't even believe how bad the play is on these things. There is absolutely NO poker going on... everyone is so in love with the KOs that they will shove at the slightest provocation.

Donkey heaven. I'm in my element. I am King Donkey. I'm the donkey the other donkeys look to for advice. Buy high, sell low. That's not herpes, don't bother seeing a doctor. You do look kind of fat in those pants, darling.

I can take these things. Easy strategy. Don't go for the KO just for the sake of the stupid 50¢, play tight, get them to gift you their chips, go for the win.

The problem with bad play is it's infectious. After 2 hours of mouth breathers shoving with the worst possible hands and winning, you start to think that it's a good idea. That's my excuse anyway. Really, I pretty much just suck. Hard. Awful play. What the hell was I thinking play. Who the f hit my all in button, I'm gonna kill him. And I wish I could say it only happened once.

I'm 3rd in chips with 32k (leader has 36k). We're on the bubble. 10 left, 9 pay. I can sit back and wait for the shorties to bust, then take out the rest on the FT. No problem. It folds to me in the SB, I raise to 7500 with Q8o. I would very much like the BB to go away so I can take his 2700. The douche flats. WTF. He has 14k behind. You know where this idiocy is going... I'm out of position with weakass cards against a station that flats 1/3 of his stack in the BB and isn't folding his very obvious Ax.... I flop my 8 on 68Ar.

Luckily my finely honed poker sense allows me to shove all of my chips in virtually assuring I will bubble this thing.

I'm now down to 10k. Shortie is down to 2k, less than 1BB. I can fold to the $$, but that's not how I roll. I'm a steamroller. I can roll over bullets, baby! I roll off the barstool into my own pool of sick. I roll bums for fun and profit.

I have J9o on the button. Pure gold! You suckers are in for it now!

Let me take a moment to talk about tilt. I read the Tommy Angelo book. I don't tilt.

So when I put my fist through the dog, that wasn't tilt. When I pummeled the dog through my wife that wasn't tilt. When I put them both in a blender, that wasn't tilt it was breakfast, shame to waste a good energy drink. When steam came pouring out of my ears making a whistling sound, that wasn't tilt (just good comedy). When I tickled the Guinea pig... ummm... what was I talking about?

Oh yeah. Tilt. I don't do it. Got it?

It took every ounce of will to not throw my laptop across the room. I mean, come on. I cost myself at least $2 in profit in that spot. I can keep these things in perspective. It takes at least a $3 loss to smash a $4000 computer.

I ripped apart my ipod headphones instead.

*Martha Stewart moment:

Ipod headphones make a lovely noose or garrote that will fit over just about any Guinea pig neck. Try it at your child's next birthday party and really surprise her!

I immediately logged into a $5 sng. It's always a good idea to get right back on that horse after learning a valuable lesson.

That's when the internet connection went down.

I'm up for the challenge....

Started a new blog for the bankroll challenge.

The streets will be strewn with the carcasses of my fallen donkey brethren (and sisteren)!

SUMMER BANKROLL CHALLENGE BLOG

She rocks!

YOU HAVE NO CHANCE, GIVE IT UP NOW!

SUMMER BANKROLL CHALLENGE

MHG
Dr. Chako
High on Poker
KenP
OhCaptain
Riggstad
Aposec72

CONGRATS BLOGGERS!!!

I have to apologize to a few bloggers out there. My Mookie win has completely overshadowed some deep blogger runs in the WSOP. So if you haven't done it yet, go give my favorite bloggers CK, LJ and Stoner some sloppy wet blogger love. When you wipe yourself off, you can come back and continue to worship Blaargh, your true lord and master of HU playchips 4 rollz.

VICTORY!!!!!!!

The unthinkable has happened... I took down the Mook last night. A Mookie win has been my goal since I first found out about blogger tourneys.  I've been getting closer and closer, with my last 3 mooks all ending up in final tables. I'll try to do a proper writeup later, but for now I'll leave you with this beautiful sight:

Definitely my life...

I CHIP DUMPED TO QUEENSUP!

But not on purpose...

I only played in the BBT 3 times this month, and Final tabled all 3. Was hoping to be the dark horse in Hoy's predictions, but alas I had to settle for 3rd place in last nights Mookie.

I played pretty well early on, chipped up steadily, and had my big hands hold. At the final table I was doing well until Lucko (shorty) decided to call (after using up most of his time bank) my AIPF shove (AQdd) with 22. I hit the Q on the flop, but get rivered by the inevitable 2 outer. A little while later I take him back down with AA, then threw a beat on him myself when my A9ss spiked a 9 to take out his AQ and knock him out of the tourney. I freely admit it wasn't pretty, but I'll take what I can get...

After that, it all went downhill.... no other way to say it, but I played awfully when it got down to 3 handed. I basically gifted my stack to Queens. He was big stack and pushing the two of us around and I had absolutely NOTHING to push back with. After blinding down to about 30k I finally decide to stop and go with AQdd, but of course Queens insta calls with presto (and hits an extra 5 on the turn for good measure) and I'm out in 3rd.

Oh well, there's always next year. Probably won't be able to make the sunday games, so I'll take this opportunity to throw out a big thanks to Al for putting the BBT together.

FT #2!

Two final tables, two reall #!##@$% bad shoves... this time out in 7th in the brit 55 < AA. In my own defense, I had been getting 3 bet, 4 bet 5 bet, !@#$!! in the @ss etc, etc... from jimdniacc for the entire tourney, and with my powerful hand reading skillz, decided that the only time he had AA I would shame him by shoving over the top and sucking out. Unfortunately, the only thing sucking was me. Had a good time, though... drank lots of Samuel Smiths Lager in honor (or should I say honour) of my good British friends. (Well, I have no friends, but the Brits are far enough away that they can't so anything about it. )

Congrats to Aposec for taking it down... Smokee put up a great fight, but was outchipped and had an uphill battle.

Might not make it to the mook - gonna try my hand at the live donkey fests at foxwoods.

MOOK FT!

Final Tabled the Mookie for once, but spent my short time there fighting back and forth with Bam for short stack honors. I finally managed to get a few chips, but pissed em away shoving over the top of CMitch's raise with A8 sooooooooooted, who totally donkey called me with AK. How dare he call BLAARGH! with that crap hand for not very many of his chips.

BLAARGH not blog in long time due to world domination plans and bingo three nights a week. Will try to post more.